Feeling Lonely? I am.

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Most recently, I have been struggling with the lonely bug. While some people get prepared for summer love, I’m just waiting on something or someone to hold my interest. So, the BIG question is.. why do I feel lonely? I have many associates, a few close friends, and my family..but that’s still not good enough. But WHY?! Why is it that, no matter how big your support system may be.. you still feel alone?

Being an only child, I have always been extremely independent and creative. Most of my childhood days were spent.. alone. I was alone in my own, leggo-sized world. However, I do recall many nights when I would cry and felt like I couldn’t turn to my parents for guidance.  Even at that age, I felt as though.. I had to face my fears and just DEAL with them. So, confiding in my parents about those lonely nights, were out of the question. Soon after, I became that kid who created a fairytale world, just to cope with feeling alone.

The older I got, I started to create characters and had an obsession with movies. Since actors and actresses can play anyone they want, that alone was fascinating to me. Therefore, instead of making friends, I sat in front of the TV and disappeared into that fantasy. For years, my mind would wander into those characters on TV and ones I created. When I suffered at home or at school, I would turn my focus into the fantasies of the perfect lives that TV could create. Even being an extrovert, couldn’t save me from feeling invisible.

I was a LONER.

Current Day: I recently got into the, “When I die, I don’t want to die alone” mindset. So, where do I go from here? How can I stop these lonely days from occurring? As much as I may say that I don’t want marriage.. I do. But, do I want marriage for the right reasons? OR.. do I just want to be with someone, in order to not feel lonely? Frankly, you can feel alone.. even in a relationship. So, what would be the best option in life? Personally, I need to work on myself, before burdening someone else with my personal issues. Furthermore, I need to find happiness within my mind and let it manifest.

Possibly, the part of feeling lonely, is just the fear of ending up..ALONE.

Feeling Lonely? I am.

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3 thoughts on “Feeling Lonely? I am.

  1. Interesting! I can totally relate to your childhood. I had much older sisters so growing up for me was a lot like being an only child. I remember wishing my life would be like a tv show (think TGIF from the 90s) when I grew up and I spent most summers indoors watching television. Despite that, I too am an extrovert. And despite having buddies, I find myself being lonely more often than I’d like. I’m finding that a lot of my peers feel lonely despite having strong and close networks of support. I have a theory that Facebook could be a culprit, lol, but I’ll spare you. I find it comforting, though to know that I’m not the only one who feels that way, lonely. And somehow knowing that others are experiencing the same thing makes me feel less lonely. It makes me think it’s a natural part of life and possibly more common than we realize. I guess that’s why I felt the need to comment. Just wanted to say, you ain’t alone! 😉

    One of the things that helps me is extracurriculars, getting out there and being active even if on my own. Taking a cooking, language or exercise class, or classes that take me out of my comfort zone, like acting or singing. Could help you too?

    Like

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